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Applying athlete’s methods to SIF counselling

Based on above research, here is my analogy on how to apply counselling of
new SIF members. It is at best an analogy so should not be taken too far.

1. First let the new member develop Broad External view of the whole
scenario – lawyers, police, courts, the system; why things are they way they
are. Do not rely too much on giving specific and deep legal advice. that
belongs to domain of narrow external. The person cannot digest it, and even
if he understands some of it he is NOT READY YET to apply in practice. But
do give basic legal advice at this stage so person can survive for now, and
read up legal stuff for next 2-3 months. Focus should be on interacting
with other members, and living life day to day without any hurry to solve
the case, or trying to get a quick fix for all the problems like 498a, DV
etc!

2. Broad Internal is where older members discuss their own success
stories on filing DP3, TEP, RTIs on opponents, wins in courts etc. Also
new member going to courts in others’ cases and seeing how the court
procedures happen, how lawyers talk, their competence/incompetence, how
judges give next dates, judges’ attitudes etc and so on. It sets the stage
for further training of the new member.

3. Once person has some hang of the broad external and broad internal,
he can be prepared for Narrow External. How to apply the techniques – TEPs,
RTI on opponent party etc. for HIS OWN case. He is now able to get it by
own research and interaction with SIF members. By now he should have
created good rapport with at least few other SIF members with whom he can
discuss his case, and they also know his case by now.

4. The final stage is applying the techniques in Narrow Internal
domain. convincing your own family members about your approach, actual
filing of RTI and follow up, going to court in your own cases; convincing
lawyer, mediator, CAW cell about what YOU want and how YOU want things to be
done.

What happens if we do not follow a broad approach like above. We may tell a
new member on first day to file RTI on opponent party, or techniques to deal
with lawyer or mediator. But when he goes home and his parents/ siblings
are the first to tell him he is out of his mind, or this SIF is some bunch
of crazy people. That he should pay money to wife and remarry, and move on
with his life. Actually he is not yet ready to apply the SIF’s techniques,
and he is unable to convince even own family members. This process takes
3-6 months at least, and in the meantime it is enough if he comes to
meetings and does above things.

Regards,

Yodha

Based on above research, here is my analogy on how to apply counselling of
new SIF members. It is at best an analogy so should not be taken too far.

1. First let the new member develop Broad External view of the whole
scenario – lawyers, police, courts, the system; why things are they way they
are. Do not rely too much on giving specific and deep legal advice. that
belongs to domain of narrow external. The person cannot digest it, and even
if he understands some of it he is NOT READY YET to apply in practice. But
do give basic legal advice at this stage so person can survive for now, and
read up legal stuff for next 2-3 months. Focus should be on interacting
with other members, and living life day to day without any hurry to solve
the case, or trying to get a quick fix for all the problems like 498a, DV
etc!

2. Broad Internal is where older members discuss their own success
stories on filing DP3, TEP, RTIs on opponents, wins in courts etc. Also
new member going to courts in others’ cases and seeing how the court
procedures happen, how lawyers talk, their competence/incompetence, how
judges give next dates, judges’ attitudes etc and so on. It sets the stage
for further training of the new member.

3. Once person has some hang of the broad external and broad internal,
he can be prepared for Narrow External. How to apply the techniques – TEPs,
RTI on opponent party etc. for HIS OWN case. He is now able to get it by
own research and interaction with SIF members. By now he should have
created good rapport with at least few other SIF members with whom he can
discuss his case, and they also know his case by now.

4. The final stage is applying the techniques in Narrow Internal
domain. convincing your own family members about your approach, actual
filing of RTI and follow up, going to court in your own cases; convincing
lawyer, mediator, CAW cell about what YOU want and how YOU want things to be
done.

What happens if we do not follow a broad approach like above. We may tell a
new member on first day to file RTI on opponent party, or techniques to deal
with lawyer or mediator. But when he goes home and his parents/ siblings
are the first to tell him he is out of his mind, or this SIF is some bunch
of crazy people. That he should pay money to wife and remarry, and move on
with his life. Actually he is not yet ready to apply the SIF’s techniques,
and he is unable to convince even own family members. This process takes
3-6 months at least, and in the meantime it is enough if he comes to
meetings and does above things.

Regards,

Yodha

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Categories: Thoughts on Movement

View by Partha-Hyderabad

I am glad somebody feels this way about me 🙂 Actually the pleasure is all mine for giving me the opportunity to explain myself. OK. You asked for it 🙂

But there is no right or wrong approach. We fall, we learn. What works for me might not work for others. I dont judge people who pay up and supposedly get on with their lives. Its what you want out of the whole experience that counts. Most of us just wanted the problem to go away so that we can get on with our happy little imaginary future. I felt that way too in the beginning. Why this? Why me? I remember reading somewhere that for carbon to become the hardest substance it has to go through the hottest fire and the most intense pressure. Luckily I remembered in time, so I asked the ACP to send me to jail instead of his proposal for a negotiation. I have not regretted it even though I cursed my way through 6 years of standing alone in dirty court corridors. Because I did not bend to a system(and a mad bitch of advocate wife!!!) which is hell bent on destroying me. I realize that the power the system has on me is not any law or statute. The power the system has on me comes from my own fear. But there is no ‘logical’ way to fight our fears. The best way is to fight fear is to explore it. Hence, I identify with the ‘Jail Bharo’ concept. Again, I am not judging anyone here when they try to escape jail or get AB or anything else.

Every day I see our brave people on tv, on the street dharnas, giving pamphlets, counselling new people, doing rti’s, letter campaigns etc., and I know they are all feeling the same way inside. The feeling of conquering fear and its pain.

What I have said is inevitable. Most of you might not agree with me today. To tell the system it has no power on me, I have to say..”To hell with you and your laws..Arrest me if you want, Arrest my grandmother also if you want, Isolate my children from me if you want, Take away my money from me if you can—But I refuse to be unhappy”.

On the other hand, the system wants you to resist arrest, to hire lawyers for divorce, to beg before judges, to fear police, to spend all your money, your energies. It is like being dragged into a game which is rigged against you and you have to play by their rules. They want you to play chess on a chessboard with only half of your chess pieces. And we keep playing this losing game forever. What is needed is either 1)You dont play at all 2) or you play football(or even ludo) with your rules on the chessboard.

Change is the only constant. There is no point in saying we were wrong or right till now. What might have worked yesterday for SIF might not work tomorrow. The call for Jail Bharo still expects volunteers only, for people who are only just facing the problem, to consider saying “Screw you, I prefer going to jail than negotiate with CAW cell”. When enough of these people get out and screw the system, only then the intended change will come. Even THEN, if the desired change doesnt come, 498A et al., will be the equivalent of going to a sunday movie. After you come out of the jail door, you should be able to say..”I want to do it again, next week”. Everyone in NCW & WCD will commit suicide then.

Normally I would answer this with a dose of sarcasm for which some of my friends in SIF love to hate me!!! But since I am feeling good today, I will sign this off with a big GOOD DAY.

Partha
Hyderabad

Categories: Thoughts on Movement

Thoughts on Movement

5 Important M’s for Victory in our Movement – View by Suresh P

MLA-Meet your local MLA with a Petition/Memo and educate him about the Heavy misuse of Gender Bias Laws.

MP- Meet your local MP with a Petition/Memo and educate him about the Heavy misuse of Gender Bias Laws. Request him to raise question in the parliament regarding heavy misuse and show him similar questions asked in parliament earlier.

https://498amisuse.wordpress.com/category/resource/parliament-questions-re-dowry-misuse/

Show them critical observation of the SC/Various HC.

https://498amisuse.wordpress.com/category/resource/ipc-498a/ipc-498a-misuse-judgements/

Minister-Meet as many as ministers with MEMO/Petitions to be sent to CM/PM and also educate them about misuse.

Memo-Keep sending MEMO/Petitions to PM/President/Home Minister (Centre)/Law Minister (Centre)/Sonia/CM/Governor/DGP/SP/COP/ Home Minister (State)/Law Minister (State)/NHRC/SHRC/Speaker(Lok Sabha-Rajya Sabha) and other constitutional authorities.

Media-Keep talking to media people at regular interval. Keep sending to them data, statistics and any relevant news about misuse of Gender Bias Laws.

Open your mind! Grow and let the movement grow! – View by Uma Challa

Everyone, please start talking to members from other chapters from time to time.

Please read blogs and writings of people in the movement and observe differences in their language, tone and style.

Remember, there is nothing right or wrong about one person’s style versus another but everyone is at a different stage of learning. You need to develop your own and grow.

Please forget your academic training and your wisdom in other aspects of life.

Do not bring in your baggage of expertise and your high self-image into the movement.

Come like you are coming to nursery school, because that’s exactly where most people are when they first come but just don’t realize it (Yes, it applies to everyone including myself when I first joined).

People tend to look at problems through their own pain and unless you overcome the pain it is difficult to become a path-breaking activist in the movement.

We do not care about anyone’s specialization, age or any other superior qualities in the movement. Let’s be real, we are all here IN SPITE OF how “smart” and “well-trained” and “well-adapted” we think we are.

If you are a good student, the movement will teach you a LOT and you will MAKE HISTORY.

If you come to TELL and TEACH, you will be history before you know it.

What is SIF? – Rajesh M

A discussion of organizing SIF, funding, dictatorship etc comes up
many times. This is bound to happen as and when new members join and
is a healthy sign.

1) First off SIF- It is not even an organization. SIF is a movement
(called save indian family) just like the movement for women
empowerment, movement for education etc.

2) As we get organized it means formal structure, dictatorship (one
tells other what to do). This means ego clashes, internal fights etc
will be part and parcel. As an organization which is not going to be
funded it is not a good thing to do. Also, most people here are
INCREDIBLY TALENTED, so we will keep fighting. If we are organized
with someone higher in a hierarchy, these fights will lead to lot of
people immediately leaving BECAUSE they will feel dis-empowered.

3) SIF is just a brand name. It means nothing. Use the brandname and
build the local chapter. SIF will give out the truth and statistics
you can use and learn. Also by making your own local NGO (2K to 4K)
you automatically become its owner and leader. If you are good the
local NGO will grow and in turn will help SIF. If the local NGO will
get corrupt it will die its own death and will not affect SIF in
anyway. Just imagine if SIF is single NGO and it becomes corrupt
then we have to start all over again. This has in fact happened in
the past and that’s how SIF has come into existence with this model.

4) Dictatorship and censorship are definitely not in the interest of
any good movement and is strongly condemnable. In fact that is what
feminists do
a) If you tell them women are missusing laws they say you are male
chauvanist and you deserve it.
b) If women say these laws are bing misused they will say, You must
have taken dowry and you are a slave of your husband so you must not
talk etc.
So basically these less than 0.1% women bully the 99.9% of women and
entire society and censor everyone.
These are bullies and rowdies and a shame to be called as women
itself. These people must be slapped by other women in streets. This
will happen sooner or later no doubt.

5) But at the same time we must try to increase our punch and do be
more efficient. For example if we post our messages in a blog and
post links here so that all this info becomes permanent online it
will be a great service to the entire society because millions times
more number of people can access our thoughts and see the truth
(while in this forum it will be hidden).

6) Also, use this forum as a training ground. Try to know what is
SIF. Some important statistics which you must use (For example NCW
says misuse lwo- Show RTI data and say 98% misuse is it low). NCW
can survive as long as they can lie and get away. There is a limit
to how long falshood can survive so we can relax. We just do out
job. Do not take this internet fights seriously. This is like
sparring (practice fighting) so that you can fight effectively on
ground.

7) If you beleive in anything and have the conviction tell others
about it. With a few like minded people branch off and start another
movement with all the HELP FROM SIF, Rakshak, Mynation Foundaton
etc. Just do not force others to subscribe to your view and how SIF
must change etc.

There is no need for you to expect SIF to change according to
your wishes because there is no need. You have the liberty to do it
yourself and if you become successful SIF will automatically change.

So, in essense- Please start a local NGO and implement your thoughts
INTO ACTIONS. All you need is to have 4 or 5 more people to agree
with you. If you do not have conviction to do even this much why
expect a group of 3000 people to follow your thoughts?

View of Swarup

The main obstacle is Indian men’s mind set, die as a debit man and ignore the Men well fare in their life and SIF volunteers that is the challenge to change it, which since the world created Men and women, never happened, men always sacrificed their life without Questions. So, what SIF is looking for, had never happened in this world and the dream was too high.

What is needed, the men to wake up and take some social responsibility and do some men well fare and for that SIF model is the perfect platform as a training camp, do not consider the SIF as any organizations, it is a movement, so whatever idea, action plan you have just go ahead and take the social responsibility, you need only 7 men to form a NGO, the lacking is, all give idea to others, and do not want to execute the same by their own. Rest, in spite of all the hurdles, what SIF created, to create that even a 1000 cors sponsored NGO need 30 years, just for example, in 2 years a single SIF volunteers represent at least all news channel debates and made awareness, which even funded NGO can’t do, and SIF had done that, only think as it is non-funded, self supported and work like a training model and never keep all eggs in all basket.

In last 40 years, had seen several NGO in the name of several name claim to be men rights originations, they failed due to their narrow vision and lack of activities, howabazzi does not work, the actual work speaks and most important need the people at least 2 or 3 years active participation and take this fight in enemy camp in all level, internet/ground/media/society/office every where…

The main message is loud and clear; learn to take some social responsibility for men well fare. The dream no one sees, except SIF movements, good luck to all, every effort makes difference, small or big, need the executions, you do a lot as per your capability and choice that is SIF movement.

The Gap in Activism (Letter writing, Blogging and Campaigns) – Gorky

Today, we see a large number of members not contributing to activism to change laws and create reliefs for themselves in courts.

Instead, they think of finding some legal short cuts for their own cases in desperation and selfishness.

During the time of misery, most people can not think straight and trust in their own capabilities or what is possible.

============ ========= ========= =
This wide gap was always there.
============ ========= ========= =

It is a shortage of “responsible leadership” that we are facing. This was the situation always and this is human behaviour.

Most of the people(including many top leaders) do not understand that one has to constantly innovate and stick the neck out to reduce this “gap” in activism by unleashing new leadership.

Otherwise, one gets into emergency mode doing fire fighting every now and then.

Creating New Leaders has been neglected by many top leaders.

1) It is often felt that we do not need leaders, but we need just followers.

2) There is too much righteousness building up with each success.

People do not realise that we all can be wrong or our views can be wrong most of the times.

3) There are too many bottlenecks built in local chapters.

4) New Leaders need to be nurtured or may be even worshiped.

(That is not happening. No one focused on this actively)

5) Ruthless demands to be put on oneself and others with the belief that everything is possible and we can do anything as a team.

(This has not happened often. People are nice to each other, in stead of making demands from each other to take the movement further)

6) New leadership targets are not getting met in different chapters. So, its mostly the same old people again.

No soul searching is done.

7) Surgery of minds is a must. But, it has to be done with compassion, not with hostility.

Demands can be made with an enormous compassion on one’s heart rather than from non-acceptance and invalidation.

New leaders must not be invalidated. Instead, they should be told to go and execute their ideas with others, without bothering about SIF brand.

This has reduced over the years.

Some of our current leaders are pretty new. May be they are just 6 months or 1 year old. He need to deeply respect these new leaders as without them we can not grow and we will only sink. The job of old leaders is already happening. But, its the new leaders who will create the future for us.

My friend was in jail for 5 days under 498a and that was 5 years before I got 498a myself. In the intervening years before my 498a I did nothing.

However, once I got onto the boat, I made only one thing sure.

============ ========= ========= ========= ==
That I will create and enable as many leaders as possible all around.
============ ========= ========= ========= ==

Everyone can create, enable and empower leaders all around.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
When you listen to a relatively new member, listen to him as if you are listening to a leader.

Listen to the leader inside him and search for the leader inside.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

We need to send 1000 letters to Parliamentary committee on “new law” against sexual assault.

Just look for 50 new leaders to emerge, who will drive everyone to do this simple job.

When independent leadership teams can organise Dharnas and seminars, they can certainly send letters.

When leadership enters in stale phase, we hear too many excused, why something can not be done.

That’s the time, new leadership must be created and enabled.

====
According to my estimates, our strengths have increased and our positioning has drastically improved in last one year. Our influences on Govt and policy makers has also increased. However, our enemy has also become very active in last 6 months after Congress victory in elections.
====

We will certainly hit back more viciously in next few months after the sexual assault letter campaign ends. However, we need fresh leaders and hence look for them. New leaders can be clumsy, may appear as nut cases, or even arrogant or ignorant. You need to patiently look for them. They are around you. Enable them.

There is no place for personal ego here.

Best Regards
Gorky

Lack of Delegation/Demand in Local Chapters

It is important to delegate the activism and then place demands on activists in local chapters.

Its important to give the control and rein to new leaders and then allow them to drive the movement in stead of creating hierarchical bottlenecks.

However, holding on to all the attention that one gets being at helm is very tempting. So, it is very difficult to let go of that position.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =
Leadership is all about how many leaders you have created.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= =

This everyone has to ask to themselves.

Most of our activism work is no rocket science.

You spoil people when you do following:

1) Spoon feeding.
2) Sympathizing.
3) Not trusting people’s capabilities.
4) Not challenging them or mentally shifting them.
5) Being shy of making demands.
6) Feeling offended if one makes demands.

Often people forget that:
============ ========= ====

Our primary goal is not to keep helping new members. Our primary goal is to change the laws.

If help is given, then that comes with pre-condition that a member will contribute.

If someone wants only help, does not want to contribute or write letters to MPs, Parliamentary subcommittees, then throw them out.

We do not need ten thousand losers hanging around.

The “looking good syndrome” of our own leaders betrays the cause.

If a guy does not have time to post letters to parliamentary or activism subcommittee, then he deserves false cases and extortion. Leave him to his fate.

Its not easy to do that in local chapter meetings. However, one has to practice kicking the ass.

Any guy whose wife does not live with him has at least 50 hours of free time every week.

In local chapters, people must always ask themselves, “how much this guy (I am counseling) will contribute to activism”? And how much this old member has contributed to activism till now?

If someone has not contributed, then ask him directly to contribute.

If he says, there is no point, all these does not work, then tell him that he deserves 498a and tell him if he continues like this you will put 5 false cases on him.

Best Regards
Gorky

Denying Legal Advice to Members makes them grow

I have often see people pouncing on each other to give legal advice to a new member in group or in local chapters.

After getting tonnes of advice (with gratitude) the member thinks that he is a hero without knowing that legal knowhow without right attitude will slowly boil him over 6 months or a year.

A member will achieve nothing till he takes responsibility for his inaction, which lead to the current set of laws and extortion.

If a member can not spend 3 hours a week to post letters, write blogs and discuss activism towards changing laws, he will remain in miserable state irrespective of any amount of legal advice.

The aim of every member should be to watch out irresponsible attitudes and straighten them in local chapters. Do not help a guy, who is irresponsible towards the cause. That will make him mend himself and build character.

If today, guys do not protest against many more biased laws, then rest assured that soon your family members will be getting arrested in false sexual assault cases on your wife.

http://menseekjusti ce.blogspot. com/2010/ 04/send-letters- to-make-sexual- assault-law. html

There are enough men out there who do not care about biased laws NOW, but they will appear in this group in 2011 crying that their bother or father was accused of sexual assault by his wife and he is in jail for last 2 months. Pleasssss HELP……

What will you do first?

Sympathise or Kick his ass?

Best Regards
Gorky

Categories: Thoughts on Movement