Archive for August 26, 2010

Spouses don’t grow alike over time

Man ironing.jpg

Spouses don’t grow alike over time (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)
Contrary to popular notion, spouses do not become more similar over time, according to a team of researchers led by Michigan State University. Instead, people choose their mates based on shared personality traits.

“Existing research shows that spouses are more similar than random people. This could reflect spouses’ influence on each other over time, or this could be what attracted them to each other in the first place. Our goal in conducting this study was to help resolve this debate,” said Mikhila Humbad, lead investigator.

The researchers analyzed the data of 1,296 married couples, one of the largest such studies to date, said Humbad, MSU doctoral candidate in clinical psychology. The data came from the Minnesota Center for Twin and Family Research.

The researchers wanted to know if husbands and wives become more similar as the marriage progressed.

They examined a host of personality characteristics and found that, in most cases, the couples did not become more alike with more years of marriage.

The conclusion: Spousal similarity is better explained by selection than gradual convergence. The one exception to this pattern was aggression.

“It makes sense if you think about it. If one person is violent, the other person may respond in a similar fashion and thus become more aggressive over time,” Humbad said.

The research could have implications for future spouses as well as their offspring.

“Marrying someone who’s similar to you may increase the likelihood that you’ll pass those traits on to your children,” Humbad said.

The study appears in the latest issue of the journal Personality and Individual Differences.

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Marriage is bad for your sex life

Marriage seems to be bad for your sex life. Couples who have sex over four times a week before their wedding, barely have it once a week three years after tying the knot, a survey in Britain has found.

Researchers found that before marriage, couples can hope to have sex more than four times a week. But after three years of married life, there is a dramatic drop in their sex life and most couples have sex just once every seven days.

The survey was conducted among 3,000 married couple.

Six out of ten couples think that marriage has completely ruined the excitement of having sex, Daily Mail reported.

Another astounding result of the survey was that just below half of all married couples said that their relationship was more like friends than lovers.

“Unfortunately, while you can be deeply in love with someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, it is also possible to want more from the relationship,” a spokesman for extra-marital dating service was quoted as saying.

“A partner might be supportive, funny, intelligent, and kind, but if they don’t inspire confidence in the bedroom, or don’t meet expectations, sexually life can be frustrating,” he added.

He said: “It is at times like this when eyes start to wander, and folks start to think about having a no-strings affair with someone else…We have good reason to believe many relationships are strengthened by a little out-of-marriage activity.”

The survey revealed that 59 percent of couples think that their sex life had worsened after marriage.

Incidentally, eight in ten couples were in a sexual rut by having sex at the same time, in the same place and in the same positions every time they slept together.

As a matter of fact, 79 percent of the respondents were happier getting a good night’s sleep than making the effort to have spontaneous sex in the middle of the night.

Two thirds of the couples who had an affair admitted that sex was mind-blowing compared to the once-a-week sex with their husband or wife.

A fifth were ready to have a one-night stand if the opportunity presented itself or if their sex life with their partner didn’t improve. And nearly a quarter said they had a one-night stand to satisfy their craving for good sex.

The Loving Links spokesman said: “Modern marriages are becoming a little more open where sex is concerned, and these days we are quicker to forgive if someone has a little one-night stand.”

The results of the survey showed that almost two thirds of the respondents blamed their hectic lifestyle for their unhappy sex life and 80 percent were often too tired to bother once the day is over.

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Women at the top

More companies today are welcoming women at the top, especially in women oriented industries like healthcare, beauty products and many other sectors.

With leadership today being result-oriented rather than process-driven, senior executives now believe that women in senior positions provide particular, identifiable benefits. Female head honchos display traits like determination, zeal, industriousness, clear-headedness and a willingness to take risks. All these qualities are turning female corporate executives into a very attractive proposition when it comes to promotions and high-level appointments.

Rupa Naik, who is the executive director of the All India Association of Industries (AIAI) feels there is no denying that women add value to an organisation. “When occupying leadership positions, women are self-critical of their own strengths and weaknesses and rebound gracefully from setbacks. Additionally, they tend to be intuitive crisis managers, resulting in fair and sound judgment. That’s the kind of value women bring to the boardroom!”

Companies like Titan (where 10 per cent of the workforce consists of women) insist on taking more women on board to occupy senior ranks. S. Ramadoss, chief human resources officer of Titan Industries, says: “Out of the total employees, 23 per cent are women. In fact, two top women professionals Vinita Bali, and Hema Ravichandran are part of our board of directors. They bring in wide knowledge and rich experience.”

The number of women who have joined their pinstriped, suit-clad male counterparts in boardrooms has also increased. Priya Chetty- Rajagopal, vice president, Stanton Chase International, opines, “Many studies have proved that women executives bring profitability and visibility to a company. Men can also possibly bring about the change, but it is observed that the fairer sex has a slightly more insightful way of thinking and is also more empathetic. Take the examples of power women like Vinita Bali and Indra Nooyi. They both positioned their products around health and nutrition and have capitalised on it. In fact, today many men and companies are recognising the efforts of women and celebrating the differences.”

Rufina Fernandes, CEO of Nasscom Foundation, feels that the fairer sex is better at ‘multi-tasking’ which contributes to their increasing demand now. “Women have to juggle multiple roles in their personal life, so they are stronger at people management skills and have the capacity for innovation.” Despite this, women have had to prove their competence at every level and toil considerably to get to the top. “One of the reasons for this is that we live in a man’s world and there are times when a woman has to work extra hard to prove her skills,” she concludes.

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Wife victims also have a say besides dowry victims

By Our Staff Reporter
Bhopal, June 29:
If you think only women can be the victims at the hand of men, then it’s high time to give it a second thought. A man today turned up with complaint against his wife in the police mass hearing programme (Jan Sunvai) – held on Tuesday every week for city residents to get redressal of their grievances.
Anis Khan, a resident of Kabitpura, along with his relatives, came in the hearing programme and complained about atrocity against his wife Seema Khan to DIG SK Raut. He said that after an uncomfortable alliance for the last 13 years, fed up with squabbling with his wife, he had to opt to live separately from her. Khan requested Raut to protect him from atrocities of his wife. As the bemused people and police personnel present there looked on at the man with his weird problem, Raut instructed the senior Superintendent of Police to take action in this case.
Apart from this, in another case in the hearing, Shabana, a resident of Ash-Bagh, complained about atrocity for dowry against her in-laws. Shabana was married to Imran, a resident of the same locality, a few years back. Things were normal for some time after their marriage but soon her in-laws started to demand dowry and torture her for it. Shabana, mother of a child, was evicted from her husband Imran’s house after being forced to sign two blank stamp-papers.
In a similar case, tarannum, a resident of Arif Nagar, was married to Nasir. Demanding for dowry, her husband, Nasir, left her at her parent’s home.
Both these dowry victim women today reached at the state-level police mass hearing and told the senior police personnel about their plights. The senior Superintendent of Police was instructed over the phone line to look into the matter of both the dowry victims and take necessary action to arrange justice for them.
Rao Deshraj Singh, Legislator, Ashoknagar, also reached at the mass hearing programme with problems of his area. He said that a number of migrant people from Punjab have got them included in Bhil tribal category on the basis of fake certificates issued from Punjab and availing benefits of reservation. Raut instructed Ashoknagar Superintendent of Police to take legal action in this case.
Ravi Mohan Yadav of Bhopal requested the DIG that there has been no case registered against him during the last ten years. Therefore his name should be removed from list of criminals. His application was sent to Superintendent of Police, Bhopal, for further action.
As many as 40 people reached at today’s mass hearing with their grievances. DIG SK Raut listened to most of the cases and talked to field police officials instructing to look into the matter. BM Kumar, IG and PSO, KL Meena, IG, PTRI, and Aruna Mohan Rao, IG, AJAKS, also listened to many other cases and disposed them of.

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Watch Tower: Walk-in and walk-out!

Category »  Editorial Posted On Monday, August 23, 2010
India is a country, which is slowly, opening its doors for western ideas and lifestyles and one of the most crucial episodes amongst it, is the concept of live in relationship.
The Supreme Court also opined that a man and woman living together without marriage cannot be construed as an offence.
“When two adult people want to live together what is the offence. Does it amount to an offence? Living together is not an offence. It cannot be an offence,” a three judge bench of Chief Justice K G Balakrishnan, Deepak Verma and B S Chauhan observed.
The court said even Lord Krishna and Radha lived together according to mythology without marriage.
The apex court said there was no law which prohibits live-in relationship or pre-marital sex.
Due to marital disputes counter cases are filed by both the parties and these criminal cases take years to decide. Large number of cases, complaints filed under the anti-dowry law are either false or exaggerated. To avoid these complications, in metro cities more and more people are going for live in relations. In live-in relations there is no legal commitment between the parties, therefore the Supreme Court itself which has given strict directions to all the State governments of Indian States to enact laws to make the Registration of Marriage Compulsory process in a Valid Marriage irrespective of the religion of the parties. Let only the properly registered marriages recognized as legally valid marriage.
The recent decision of Delhi High Court on criminal proceedings initiated by the girlfriend / live-in partner of a London-based solicitor Alok Kumar, based on his refusal to marry her, Hon’ble Delhi High Court has ruled that, partner in a live-in relationship can walk out of it at any point of time without any legal consequence and neither of the partners can complain of infidelity if one ditches the other.
Justice Shiv Narayan Dhingra said, Live-in relationship is a walk-in and walk-out relationship. There are no strings attached in this relationship, nor does this relationship create any legal bond between the parties. People who chose to have live-in relationship cannot complain of infidelity or immorality as live-in relationships are also known to have been between a married man and an unmarried woman or vice versa.
Kumar is understood to have been a married man with a family in London while he was in his five-year live-in relationship with his girlfriend. The girlfriend is a divorcee with a child.
While granting relief to Alok Kumar, the Court said that the FIR should be quashed to prevent misuse of the criminal justice system for personal vengeance. The girlfriend had filed the FIR with the police at the Indira Gandhi International Airport in New Delhi following an altercation between her and Alok Kumar at the Departure Terminal.
The FIR listed charges against Alok Kumar for outraging the girlfriends modesty, committing mischief against her and charges of rape. The girlfriend had also taken possession of Alok Kumar’s passport by snatching it from him.
The Court stated, a contract of living together is renewed every day by the parties and can be terminated by either of the parties without consent of the other party and one party can walk out at will at any time. This is a clear signal on the legal ramifications for those who want and those who do not want to enter into this kind of relationship of walk-in and walk-out.
But the Supreme Court got an opportunity towards the lively debate on legitimacy of the ˜live in relationship as well as legitimacy of kids given birth to out of this kind of relationship, the Top court has decided the fact that such children are not necessarily unlawful. The Supreme Court has additionally held that such kids possess a right to inherit the properties left behind by one of the partners in this kind of relationship.
If a man as well as a lady are living under the same roof and living together for quite a few years, there will be a presumption under Section 114 of the Evidence Act that they live as husband and wife and the children born to them will not be illegitimate, said a bench of Justices P Sathasivam and BS Chauhan. The bench said the law presumes in favour of marriage and against concubine.
Despite the judgement of the court on case to case basis it is high time, Government comes out with a legislation that brings trans perency in the live in relationship. The story of the individual cases underline the fact that live in relation is not merely a contract between two individual but new foreign element to our existing culture supported by institution of marriage. So this relation is very near informal legitimacy of husband and wife, which has its ramification to the children born out of this relation. Each legislation has its root in Indian culture and social customs, the new legislation should evaluate that aspect while incorporating new changes of the dynamic society. At this juncture this matter is open to debate and needs immediate attention of Government.
Nitin Saxena
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Another Misuse Judgement from Karnataka HC – Full Text

I gave him gold chains, money, house and car

Rape victim reveals the torture she underwent at the hands of her fiance Parth Vasavda, despite financially providing him for his every need


By Hemington James
Posted On Thursday, August 26, 2010 at 03:58:06 AM

Despite knowing that Parth had dumped four girls in four years, Diana believed in him

Restaurant bills to movie tickets, all his expenses were borne by me. I also gifted him gold chains and diamond rings. But both my life and career are ruined. I loved him but what I got in return is only hatred, humiliation and inhuman behaviour,” said 21-year-old Diana Seth (name changed) who filed a rape complaint against her fiancé Parth Vasavda at Sarkhej police station on Tuesday night.

Talking to Mirror, Diana said, “He had frequent quarrels with his parents to get him a car, he used to tell me often. I told my father and got him a brand new black Hyundai Accent car. Whenever he had a fight with his parents he used to sleep at my parents’ house. His mother, who once complained of torture by her husband, now says I am characterless.”

Diana said that Parth forced her to have physical relations with her. “I was against having physical relations before marriage and refused whenever he made advances. Once he took me to a temple at some distance from Sardar Patel Ring Road. He applied sindoor on my forehead and told me ‘now we are officially married and you are my wife’. He then took me to his house and made me a cocktail and told me to consume it, after which I became unconscious. When I gained consciousness, I realised I was sexually abused.”

Since then Parth has been demanding things from her, Diana said. Whenever she refused, he showed obscene pictures of her he had taken and threaten to show it to her parents. “I was helpless and had to fulfil his demands.”

Tried to commit suicide

Desperate and desolate, Diana had “tried to commit suicide on March 1 this year because he had stopped talking to me”.

“Whenever I called him, his mother picked up the phone and told me that Parth was no longer interested in me. I was told not to call him. I also wanted to leave him but I could not as he was the person with whom I had seen my future and have had physical relations with. But he had started blackmailing me. He demanded a house and my father got him one. He used to ask me why the house was not on his name? He quarrelled with me over these issues,”

Diana said.

Despite knowing that Parth was of loose character from his close friends and he had dumped four girls in the past four years, Diana believed that he would change his ways after he got engaged to her.

Trainer and trainee

Diana was a soft skills trainer at a management institute where Parth was a trainee. “He proposed to me at the time. He was caring and loving at that time. But later his real face came out,” Diana said.

When Parth’s father, Amit Vasavda, had swine flu, Diana says she took care of him for 10 days without worrying about her health. “When he was out of the illness, they threw away my clothes from their house,” she said.

Parth and Diana got engaged on February 5 last year and were to get married this December after Parth would have turned 21 in September.

Parth who lives with his parents at Avani Bunglow in Sterling city, Bopal, was produced before a magistrate late on Wednesday evening.

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