Definition of a Victim!!!

Trainee Victim ( During marriage)
|

|

V
(After 498a complaint)
|

|

V
Probationary Victim
|

|

V
(After FIR is registered )
|

|

V
Confirmed Victim
|

|

V
( after trail of 2 years )
|

|

V
Senior Victim
|

|

V
Head of Victims( HOV )
|

|

V
Chief Victim Officer ( CVO)
|

|

V
(After all cases close )
|

|

V
Victim Emeritus // Honorary Victim

Best Divorce Letter!!!

Dear hubby,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Wife
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born as
Carla(woman)………I hope that’s not a problem……

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

Q. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A. Divorced

It’s my wife’s first husband!

The grief-stricken man threw himself across the grave and cried bitterly. “My life, how senseless it is! How worthless is everything about me because you are gone. If only you hadn’t died, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how different everything would have been.” 
    A clergyman happened by and to soothe the man he offered a prayer. Afterward he said, “I assume the person lying beneath this mound of earth was someone of great importance to you.” 
     “Importance? Indeed it was,” moaned the man. “It’s my wife’s first husband!”

secret to making a marriage last

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:  Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food andcompanionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.  We also sleep in separate beds. Hersis in Florida and mine is in New York.

I had him buried upside down

An old man and woman were married foryears, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming andyelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, Iwill dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of yourlife!”
     Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magicbecause of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.  Theold man liked the fact he was feared.
     To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the localbar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for hersafety, asked , “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up andout of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
     The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old creepdig. I had him buried upside down.

What is the definition of divorce?

Q.  What is the definition of divorce?
A.  The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

The perfect man

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love for you.

The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.

He has never made you cry
Or hurt you In any way
Oh, screw this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.

I earned it hiking

A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.
“Where did you get the money for that?” he asked.  “It must have cost over 300 dollars!”
“I earned it hiking,” replied the boy.
“Hiking??? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth.  Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?”"It’s like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Burns fromthe bank would come over to see Mom.  He’d give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike”!

Why do divorced men get married again?

Q: Why do divorced men get married again?
A: Bad memory.

Second marriage

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

married man’s two greatest assets

Q: What are a married man’s two greatest assets?
A: A closed mouth and an open wallet.

You’ll never find anyone like me again

I broke up with someone, and she said, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” And I’m thinking, I hope not! 

I want to see you live on $800 a year

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, “What are you doing?”
    She answers, “I’m moving to Las Vegas. I heardladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.”
    Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
    When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year.”

When a man steals your wife

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe.

Shoot him again

Q.  What should you do if you see your ex-husbandrolling around in pain on the ground?
A.  Shoot him again.

you brought religion in my life

I must admit, you brought religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

how many times she’s been married

A guy slices his ball in the woods and goes in to look for it. He meets a girl from the next fairway looking for her ball. They start to chat and have a wonderful little conversation. She suddenly says to him, ” You know… you look like my third husband. 
    “He says, “Oh yeah?”, and then asks her how many times she’s been married.
    “Twice,” she replies.

wedding ring on the wrong finger

 At the cocktail party, one man said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
   The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.”

I’ve never been married…

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people that I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.”

Faithful wife!!!

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other’sbehavior.
    When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specificbehavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. “She slept with nearly every man on the ship,” his wife reported.
    The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.
    “She was a real lady,” his mistress said.
    “How so?” the encouraged man asked.
    “She came on board with her husband and never left his side.”

Get a New Car for Your Spouse!!!

Get a New Car for Your Spouse.
It’ll be a Great Trade!

Love may be blind but…

Love may be blind, but marriage Is a real eye-opener!

Real happiness!!

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness wasuntil I got married; and then it was too late.”

My wife’s an ange!

First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still aliv

Kiss

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
10% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they’re wet and wild,but when they go, they take your house and car

There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman!!

There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.

Marriage is a three-ring circus!!!

Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Question: Why is divorce so expensive?
Answer: Because it’s worth it.

Definition of Divorce?

Definition of Divorce:  Thefuture tense of marriage.

Divorce Jokes

Mr. Wilson appeared before the judge in a divorce action.
“How old are you?” asked the judge.
“Thirty-five,” said Mr. Wilson.
The judge noted his greying hair and asked ”May I see your birth certificate?”
He handed the judge his birth certificate.
Mr. Wilson,” he said severely, “according to this certificate you are not 35 but 50.”
“Your honor,” replied Mr. Wilson, “the last 15 years I spent with my wife I’m not counting. You call that a life?”

Divorce Jokes

A woman went to an attorney to ask about a divorce.
“What grounds do you have, ma’m?”
“About six acres.”
“No, I don’t think you quite understand. Let me rephrase the question. do you have a grudge?”
“No, just a parking space.”
“I’ll try again. does your husband beat you?”
“No, I always get up at least an hour before he does.”
The attorney could see he was fighting a losing battle. “Madam, are you sure you want a divorce?”
“I’m not the one who wants a divorce,” she said. “My husband does. He claims we don’t communicate.”

Divorce Jokes

A divorce court judge said to the husband, “Mr. Perry, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” he replied. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”